OH HOT DAMN.

My baby has taken a liking to playing the guitar.

+1000

1%

I’ve done things that made you doubt my desire to stay with you. I don’t blame you for only believing me 99% when I say, “I’ll never leave you.” It was all my doing.

But I’ll prove to you why you should believe me. I’ll get rid of the doubts, and you’ll believe in me as much as I believe in you.

Checklist of the Day

[√]  Say “good morning” to you

[√]  Make you smile

[√]  Make you laugh

[  ]  Hold you tight

[  ]  Kiss you

[  ]  Dance with you

[  ]  Walk with you

[  ]  Watch the stars with you

[  ]  Tell you I love you

…I know I won’t be able to do most of the things in here - things that I want to do badly with you - because I’m here. And you’re there. Even a simple hug is impossible. But I’ll bear it. Someday, this list will be completed, and until then, I’ll be patient.

In the Distance

You amaze me

“Ew” is usually the first thing that comes to mind when I have no make-up whatsoever. So when my boyfriend asked to see me for one night without make-up, I instinctively denied. Why? Because I don’t want him to think less of me, and simply put, I just dislike my natural eyes when I believe that it looks undeniably better with eyeliner. But in the end, I decided to show him just to prove to myself that I can live without eyeliner.

I know I make it sound bad, but it’s not the eyeliner itself that I find so bad, but the fact that people depend on temporary facial tattoos to feel confident, happy, and satisfied. Maybe it’s just me, but…I want to believe in something intangible, not just materials. This crazy, messed-up world is already screwed with the concept of materialism and consumerism - that everything is just matter, and that the only way to get through life is if you own things that you need to “buy”.

I want to believe that happiness isn’t just made by the artificial, but rather by the natural. I find it amazing to know that someone finds me beautiful because they love me (as demeaning as that sounds, that just means they accept everything I am, even when I hate my looks and I don’t reach everyone else’s standards).

And that’s what happened to me last night; my boyfriend saw me with no make-up at all, fresh from cleansing, and it was hard. My self-esteem was decreasing rapidly as I was hiding my face from him. I gave up eventually and just straight-up admitted to him, “I’m ugly.” No, I wasn’t fishing for compliments, I was stating precisely what I thought of myself. I was convinced that nothing he would say, no matter how many compliments he gives me, would make me believe otherwise.

Even then, I was still holding on to my hopes that what we had for each other would make me feel beautiful. But the sight of my bare face and the image of me with eyeliner just kept reappearing in my head, so for every “no babe, you’re so pretty!” that he said, I replied with a, “NO! I don’t know what you see in me, ‘cause I’m not.” It was almost like I wanted him to believe I was ugly.

But he was smiling - the same smile I saw him with on the day we first saw each other through webcam…I knew that he was genuinely happy. After a minute of him just smiling like the cute goof he is and me frowning like the pathetic person I am, he gasped for air and said, “WOOH! Oh my God, I can’t breathe! Wow, it’s like I’m falling for you all over again!”

…

I’ve been wearing eyeliner everyday to school and usually on weekends, too.

I woke up this morning, make-up-less, and went to school, still no make-up, happy as can be.

Thanks baby.

"You’re the best part of my past, the joy of my present, the promise of my future."

- Him